It is said that great things are not given, they are taken! That it is not what you do but how you do it. Basing from these two phrases, I therefore we can say;
Success doesn’t come from hustles, good jobs, talents or whatever sources you might think of. Success comes from confidence. How you do it, right? because if success came from talents, then all those who have talents should be successful.
When I think of confidence, two words always come in mind: Fearlessness & Faith. ‘Fear NOT’, appears 365 times in the Bible and in the New Testament Jesus teaches a lot about Faith, and my favorite verse on this is in; Mark 11: 22 – 24. This already communicates a lot!
So, the purpose of this article focuses on breaking down the key steps towards developing yourself and becoming the most confident person to your best level. Then nurture your faith, make you fearless, bring out the Alpha Male in you and just be a badass overall, so people can know you really don’t give a shit! Just imagine what you can achieve if you were completely fearless!
Don’t Be Trapped in Your Self-Protective Tension
We are mostly crushed by circumstances because we get trapped in our self-protective tension. We are not free when we face things like pain, shame or any situation that tends to exceed our experience.
The fear of the unknown, that’s what they call it. That people only fear what they do not understand, but that is because of what we think – I mean we are only afraid of our thoughts. What if you never thought about that fear?
Your true virtue is to be free both in feeling and action, when you acknowledge your fears without hiding them or hiding from them.
Don’t lie, hide or run so as to be ‘free’ (unless it’s a matter of death and life). Do the right thing, don’t take the easy way out! Be true to your emotions, don’t resist, withdraw or look for excuses.
You accept life as it comes and learn to dance in the storm, learn to stay in the wounds of discomfort and act freely even in that discomfort.
The quote says ‘The best way out is always through’, and that is the way of a warrior. So, come out and be accountable for your actions! Feel the entire situation through you.
Confident people don’t worry about impressing others. Whether people like what you do or not, that makes no difference to you. Be yourself, do whatever the fuck you want! Don’t try to ‘avoid’ offending people, this doesn’t mean you go around messing up with everyone.
But so long as you feel whatever you want to do is cool with you and of genuine intention, then go ahead! Everyone sees life differently anyway.
Even if you wear a torn shirt, just go out there and walk like you’re advertising the latest outfit in out. People will think it’s your swag coz of confidence. I’m tempted to say that; people don’t like the clothes you wear, they like the confidence that puts that look out. Starts when you accept things as they are.
Being confident has got nothing to do with; how many people like you, how much money you make or the kind of stuff you associate with. Being confident is about you and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Just don’t give a damn!
Don’t Give a Shit What Other People Think
Like when you’re in public and you just can’t approach that beautiful girl and speak to her because you start to image,
‘…what will these folks around think of me? …what if she shouts at me?’
You got to understand that nobody gives a shit what you do or what happens to you. Have you not heard that a boil on one’s neck means more to them than a thousand earth-quakes in Japan?
Of course, they might laugh or show some concern, but the reality is that everyone has got enough stuff to think of. They’ll probably forget the moment they get out of the place.
Or let’s use YOU for example; imagine you’re one of the guys in the public then something awkward happens to a stranger, will you spend the whole day thinking about them – how will you see it? Maybe you’ll just say, ‘shit happens anyway…’ & life goes on!
So, when you want something, go for it
If you’re in public it’s even better, don’t fear coz after all you might never meet those guys again – they don’t even know you, c’mon!
Learn to Stand Your Ground
Have standards and learn to say, ‘NO!’
Don’t just take anything, because it means you don’t believe you can get something good. Means you’re not sure about yourself.
Stand your ground, don’t be easily swayed. If you know something is wrong then let it be wrong and if it’s right then let it be right and stand with that!
When you say NO, don’t compromise! Let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. Period!
Don’t be afraid to correct people, don’t fear to knock sense into people. Soon they’ll get used to you, don’t worry.
Don’t Let Them Walk Over You
Believe in your own ways. This doesn’t mean you should be rigid to accept other people’s opinions. Be flexible to listen and learn but when it comes to standing for what you believe in, then be it!
Make your own decisions. Don’t make a decision basing on other people’s thoughts, what I mean is; don’t please anyone! Rules, right? Without them we live with the animals. Never break your rule to please someone which might also mean; don’t depend on others for happiness.
If you’re a man never do things to please a woman – be a badass guy that when a lady thinks of living you, she can’t because she’ll lose! And this happens when you believe in yourself.
Think and live it your way, so that when repercussions come, you handle them your way!
Create your own opportunities, don’t adapt to opportunities. Man is a master of his own fate, so they say. Guard your faith, morals, believes, dreams and live by them no matter what.
Get a life and live it your own way.
Always Do What is Right
Have the discipline to always do what is right.
Life is not about what you want but what needs to be done. Even if you hate someone but they deserve to be appreciated, give it to them. Give credit where it’s due.
There is a Swahili saying that goes, ‘Gala muuwe lakini haki mpe’… which might mean something close to this; kill or punish them, but give them what they deserve – give them what belongs to them.
Maybe just learn to handle every situation independently. Don’t punish the son for his father’s sins, which means to say, ‘…don’t do this coz of this and that’ unless it’s necessary or should we say, ‘protect the innocent’. Don’t be always critical, don’t do revenge games, don’t use people for your own benefit. Always do what is right!
Doesn’t matter what you feel for the other person, just do what needs to be done. Even if you feel pity for someone but they need to be punished, just don’t interpret the law.
Being upright, righteous and disciplined brings out the confidence in you naturally!
Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Your Voice
If you don’t like something just say it, if you wanna as then ask. If you don’t like something say it, unless you can live with it (isn’t a big deal). Make life simple. Let life flow, don’t block or hesitate by holding onto your emotions.
People will always appreciate you by the way you express yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard this statement from several people, ‘…that guy if you want him to do this shit for you, then you got to do this…’. People care when you care but no one gives a damn when you don’t.
I’ll ask you, ‘How many confident people do you admire out there? & how many ‘stupid’ people do you care about?… So why do you want to be afraid’.
Don’t be afraid. Coz we make mistakes when we are afraid, we look stupid when we are afraid! Be in control of your life. Fear implies that you’re not in control of your life and this is a definition of unhappiness. Happy people are confident people, people who are in control of their lives.
Don’t be afraid to be wrong. When you do something wrong, embrace it! we are prone to mistakes and we learn from them. People will like you for being flexible to accept your mistakes – ready to learn, so speak out.
Always own your emotions. Don’t just die hard or hide your feelings coz you feel others will think you’re weak, ignorant, stupid or you feel it will be shameful. Don’t think of what could happen, coz your thoughts will lie to you.
Just don’t have something to lose, coz when you have something to lose then you have nothing to gain.
Don’t Make a Big Deal Out of Bullshit!
You don’t have to comment or react to everything you see or hear. If someone says, ‘girls are so stupid’… just don’t start to debate and argue trying to prove your point.
Afterall it’s just their perspective and it might just be as stupid as them seeing how stupid girls are.
They say, ‘You can’t teach a kid to run when he can’t even walk, just let him go with the stages, eventually he’ll get there’.
Not everyone will see what you see and no matter how hard you explain, they won’t just get it. Just ignore it! He who angers you conquers you, meaning if you get offended by small things or people you don’t even know – then you’re too small and that is childish; to be offended by small things. And small people are not confident people, you know that?
Don’t be a victim of circumstances here, instead give them time to listen to themselves by ignoring such stupid statements. If people gossip, those are small things too… wait, I meant to say, ‘stupid things too’!!!
A Swahili saying goes ‘I don’t care what they said, what I care is; why they were so comfortable telling you?’ Use common sense.
Don’t Engage in Unnecessary Arguments (Self-Respect)
One is that when you lose, you’ll feel inferior and when you win probably someone will be offended and that lowers your rank when it comes to relating with people. Worse enough, it’ll make you immature.
You don’t have to be right and someone else doesn’t have to be wrong. In fact, generally don’t just get involved in stupid things coz maturity is our point here. If you know something is not going to add value then walk away, it’s called self-respect or maturity if you like.
I read this quote which said, ‘Every time you choose to do something, you’re choosing how to spend your time’. So, if you do silly stuff then you’re telling yourself, ‘…it’s okay to waste time’ & that simply means you’re a don’t care. And being a ‘don’t care’ everyday isn’t really a good idea!
I suppose you also know that time is the only resource that can never be recovered, coz it only comes once. Unlike money and energy. So, do something about it.
Avoid Blame Games, Complaining & Justifying Yourself too Much… or just Cut that Shit OUT!
This simply means; don’t judge!
Cut off excuses, when someone attacks you and you say, ‘…but I didn’t have control over it – it just happened’.
Avoid the word, ‘but’ in cases of explaining yourself – don’t sound defensive. Take responsibility for your actions and even be there for other people’s mistakes. Being defensive makes you weak.
When someone does something wrong to you, deal with them or leave it but don’t blame others for ‘making things wrong.’ There are a times when you have to understand – like, if someone isn’t behaving mature then be the mature one.
Understand that maybe it’s not their fault they did what they did but something like ignorance or a weakness led them to. Understand that where you can someone else can’t and where someone else can, you can’t. Or simply understand that maybe this guy is right, just that I’ve not see things from their side.
Mark Twain says, “The secret of success is to learn how to get things from other people’s point of view and angle of perception as well as yours”.
Get to see things from their side. Coz when you find out the thing that made that person hurt you, sometimes you might pity them or worse enough, you might be the one to blame. So, keep it neutral!
Never Be Jealous of Another Person
It might lead you to resentment and self-pity. In-stead let it be an inspiration to you or a reminder that you got to work harder. So, keep pushing coz you never know what’s ahead.
If you sit there wondering, you might never find out! Give your best to the present and forget about unnecessary stuff.
When things go wrong don’t go with them. There’s no time for feelings buddy, feelings make you weak and unconfident. Instead learn to accept that this is what I have and I’m gonna turn it into what I want. You make it be!
Find something to do and be good at it
It’s said, ‘You will look better when you have something to believe in.’ Find that thing you’re good at and perfect in it. This makes you confident, but you must remember that it’s not that easy.
Generally speaking; take risks coz after all it’s all risky, whether you sit or work. It’s a long journey so don’t look for short cuts. Even if you fail just feel good about yourself and do what is required.
Don’t be afraid to get your ass kicked! If you don’t know how to do something, ask or just take a step and do it – even if you fail at least the process was worth the effort, coz you’re learning something.
Personally, I believe there are not problems in life, only weaknesses. Coz when you develop yourself and grow stronger, weaknesses grow weaker. When you fall, you get up and hit again coz very soon those that are big will be small.
Failure simply means your effort wasn’t enough. You might have heard of this quote, “Set a Goal so BIG that you can’t achieve it, until you GROW into the Person who CAN”.
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. So, only pity yourself if it’s gonna help you add a step forward.
The added advantage is that when you work hard, you will have money. And having money alone makes you feel like a BOSS!!! That’s confidence!
Be One-Step Ahead
Think outside the box!
This is all about preparation and it also means sacrifice, you have to go an extra mile. Especially when you’re in a competition and you want to standout.
Know how things work first and you have to be there before other guys get there. When things don’t work don’t go with the failing plan, create another. Be vulnerable, be courageous and do unbelievable things that are not common to people.
Simply give your best shot persistently, then there will come a time when you won’t even have to work but things will still be working out perfectly okay!
Therefore, people will want to associate with you especially ladies if you’re a guy, and that’s confidence!
Be a leader
It all starts with you. One of my favorite books I’ve read is ‘The Power of Now’. It talks about acceptance of NOW or rather living in the present moment.
What makes it relevant to this article is where it says, “Ego is the unobserved mind that runs your life when you are not present as the witnessing consciousness, the watcher”.
Don’t let Ego take control. If you know you got to do something and there are some pleasures to compromise, choose to be in control of your life, destroy that ego. Don’t compromise your destiny with short term pleasures.
I have a quote for you, ‘One of the most important keys to success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do even when you don’t feel like doing it” – Unknown’
When you’re done with yourself, now others can follow you. Motivate others and get the best out of them by pushing them beyond their limits.
You can have good ideas but not the resources and the effort. Just look for people who can and bring them together to accomplish this purpose. But you’ll need to have the power of manipulation, and confidence will do that for you.
Mostly I used to go in WhatsApp groups and make ‘stranger’ friends and when I chatted with them, it made me appreciate life more (I’m not suggesting you do that…).
The point is; try to explore and get new things. Getting new friends creates new ways of looking at life, that is; adventure, new ideas… this meeting new people and new things will create more joy in your heart.
Just having more positive people around or positive things around makes your life livelier, unlike doing the same things and thinking about negative things always.
What I might also be saying is; Avoid negative people and negative things coz they’ll influence you.
Be One-on-One with the Trendline.
Try as much to be updated and connected to new trending stuffs. Also read a lot of self-help books, watch movies (especially comedy coz laughing makes you happy or any entertainment you like so long as it arouses happiness in you) or series and any latest entertainment stuff.
Knowing a lot of things alone make you resourceful and this nurtures confident coz you have something to say wherever you go. It also reduces boredom and the ignorance or primitivity (village mentality) in you. Information is power.
Get up as soon as you wake up!
Sitting up and getting tired all day lazy really lowers your self-esteem and makes you unhappy.
Also, when you are bored sleep. ‘An idle mind is a devil’s workshop’, remember that proverb? coz you’ll have stupid thoughts.
Let your strengths dominate your weakness, let your desire to succeed dominate the pleasure for sleep. Don’t be a victim of; the spirit is willing but the body is weak.
Have a good outfit
This starts with hygiene. Even if you don’t have muscles and good-looking body, but dressing well kills it all! It will make you express yourself confidently.
Doing a lot of exercise will also add on your good outfit. Do regular exercise like running or if possible, visit a gym and eat well too!
Find a mentor
Especially in the movies. Those main character guys that you like. I once watched a series called Viking and I just loved this guy; Ragnar Lodbrok. He portrayed a great personality that I loved.
Find one and ask yourself every time you’re in a challenging situation, ‘What would this guy do if they were in this situation?’ …then act accordingly.
Always try to be aware of your next step; what you think, feel, say or do. When you’re aware or conscious of the moves you make, you’ll be in control of your life. Therefore, you’ll apply these steps to your best.
Otherwise you’ll just find yourself doing things without you being aware you did them, which means your old pattern of doing things will still dominate.
“Be nice to people who are nice to you, but if someone fucks with you – fuck with them 1000 times worse.” – Machiavelli
“Sometimes you just gotta be a badass and let people know you really don’t give a shit.” – BikoVEVO
“Fear doesn’t exist anywhere expect in your mind. It’s difficult to follow your heart, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of your fear stop you.” – Unknown
“Self-Confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. How can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself.” – Unknown
“Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free. Because everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. So, we need to be concerned about our problems, but not worried.” – Unknown